Last Night's television

Last night my wife left me. She went out and I was thus alone to watch the television. This morning she asked how my evening was “did you watch bottom face”? This I understood was DCI Banks the man who regularly pulls a face like a face that knows that it looks like a bottom. Yes I did after dabbling with a movie on the x-box Love Film ap I plumped for the soothing immersive experience of terrestrial television. I feel connected to my fellow citizens when I watch one of the first five channels. Even on hd. ITV eh? I can never fully shed the feeling that they make the TV programs that are the equivalent of Top of The Pops covers albums from the seventies. Last night the new lady detective played an admirable cover version of the lead actress in The Bridge. We, the viewer, think she is perhaps autistic and unable to bond with colleagues and yet is still remarkabley efficient at her job. In the Bridge this picture is painted slowly and with real depth but in the DCI Banks cover-version it’s all over in ten minutes. Still the line about pornography making your hair fall out was very funny. Last night Detective Chief Inspector Banks played his cover version of a philandering Scandinavian detective when he went all puppy dog over a clarinet player. Her face when she said she played the clarinet was a picture – or was that just me? She left the room to fetch a rare seven-inch of Ella and the Chief Inspector’s face of bottom went into overdrive as it attempted to outwardly manifest such inner turmoil. I can hear the director “Okay Steven maybe tone down the face a bit darling. Oh is that the time okay well done everyone see you in the morning!” Thanks to the sneak trailer which is now part of the episode we know that next week the suspicious looking man with lanky hair gets to say stuff on camera and not just behind a closed door. He was in the entire first episode but on the script it just said suspicious looking lurky man with lanky hair lurks. For lovers of street art detective mash ups (and let's face it who is not!?) we learned that DCI Banks reacts strongly to being called Banksy. Will a mystery that has plagued art students for a decade finally be solved? My magnum moment could finally be at hand.